Brandon was my bestest friend in the world. Sometimes it felt like we were the same person, in figures of a girl and boy. Our favorite saying was "we win" and we always did up until now. Being apart was always so hard, even when we did end up living on other sides of the world, no matter what we knew that we were still in each others hearts. It's hard to ever explain our relationship other than you have to see it to believe it. I wanted Matt to meet B so that he could love him too, anyone that met him loved him he was infectious like that. I never ever imagined that I would be in this place right now and I don't think I will ever truely feel the reality of this. I'll just feel like something is missing forever. We all know that B lived his life to the max and that he would always have be wild at heart. I can't help but wonder what if, so many what ifs but nothing is ever going to change what has happened. What if we could have changed the course of his life, been there alittle more, put more pressure on him so he would settle into a quieter life, work a 9-5 and party at the weekends? He would have hated that more. "I'll sleep when I'm dead" I heard him say more than once. That would make me so angry to just hear those words. He would then just laugh and reply "oh, honey" and drop that bottom lip dropping his chin to his shoulder. My heart bled out when I heard and I'm still bleeding. I have a million stories but can't get one straight in my head, nothing has processed and I have a big brain of mash potato but it's mashed with love, sorrow and happiness that I ever met him at all. 4 days before he died, on my birthday he said he would be with me in spirit. I'm counting on that.